This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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