it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
