there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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