hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
