im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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