Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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