Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
