sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
