I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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