im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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