Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Randomize
