I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
