ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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