Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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