Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
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