umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
