Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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