i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I intend to get homeless drunk
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
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