For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You need a sexual gate keeper
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
