$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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