ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
