He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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