He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
