If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
