mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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