Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
