Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
