So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
