I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
