so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
