do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i came on her dog
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
