did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize