I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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