I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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