make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
