I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
