Is it because I queefed?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize
