we're chasing vodka with high fives
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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