he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He has the fingertips of a God
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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