butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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