clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
