I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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