i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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