I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
