So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
