hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
