Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
