If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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