I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Randomize
