He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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