he wants to bone in the snuggie
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
