Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
