so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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