the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
3pm strippers are depressing
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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